7.3
5 seasons - 19 episodes

Two and a Half Men

2007
30, 21, 17m, Ended
Pilot

S01-E01 Chapter 1 Pilot

Big Flappy Bastards

S01-E02 Chapter 2 Big Flappy Bastards

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

S01-E03 Chapter 3 Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap

S01-E04 Chapter 4 If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

S01-E05 Chapter 5 The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

S01-E06 Chapter 6 Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

S01-E07 Chapter 7 If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful

S01-E08 Chapter 8 Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful

Phase One, Complete

S01-E09 Chapter 9 Phase One, Complete

Merry Thanksgiving

S01-E10 Chapter 10 Merry Thanksgiving

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

S01-E11 Chapter 11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

Camel Filters + Pheromones

S01-E12 Chapter 12 Camel Filters + Pheromones

Sarah Like Puny Alan

S01-E13 Chapter 13 Sarah Like Puny Alan

I Can't Afford Hyenas

S01-E14 Chapter 14 I Can't Afford Hyenas

Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

S01-E15 Chapter 15 Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

That Was Saliva, Alan

S01-E16 Chapter 16 That Was Saliva, Alan

Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats

S01-E17 Chapter 17 Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats

An Old Flame With a New Wick

S01-E18 Chapter 18 An Old Flame With a New Wick

I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

S01-E19 Chapter 19 I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

S01-E20 Chapter 20 Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

No Sniffing, No Wowing

S01-E21 Chapter 21 No Sniffing, No Wowing

My Doctor has a Cow Puppet

S01-E22 Chapter 22 My Doctor has a Cow Puppet

Just Like Buffalo

S01-E23 Chapter 23 Just Like Buffalo

Can You Feel My Finger?

S01-E24 Chapter 24 Can You Feel My Finger?

Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts

S03-E01 Chapter 1 Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts

Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

S03-E02 Chapter 2 Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

S03-E03 Chapter 3 Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

S03-E04 Chapter 4 Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

We Called It Mr. Pinky

S03-E05 Chapter 5 We Called It Mr. Pinky

Hi, Mr. Horned One

S03-E06 Chapter 6 Hi, Mr. Horned One

Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

S03-E07 Chapter 7 Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

That Voodoo That I Do Do

S03-E08 Chapter 8 That Voodoo That I Do Do

Madame and Her Special friend

S03-E09 Chapter 9 Madame and Her Special friend

Something Salted and Twisted

S03-E10 Chapter 10 Something Salted and Twisted

Santa's Village of the Damned

S03-E11 Chapter 11 Santa's Village of the Damned

That Special Tug

S03-E12 Chapter 12 That Special Tug

Humiliation is a Visual Medium

S03-E13 Chapter 13 Humiliation is a Visual Medium

Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

S03-E14 Chapter 14 Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

My Tongue is Meat

S03-E15 Chapter 15 My Tongue is Meat

Ergo, The Booty Call

S03-E16 Chapter 16 Ergo, The Booty Call

The Unfortunate Little Schnauser

S03-E17 Chapter 17 The Unfortunate Little Schnauser

The Spit-Covered Cobbler

S03-E18 Chapter 18 The Spit-Covered Cobbler

Golly Moses, She's A Muffin

S03-E19 Chapter 19 Golly Moses, She's A Muffin

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

S03-E20 Chapter 20 Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

And the Plot Moistens

S03-E21 Chapter 21 And the Plot Moistens

Just Once With Aunt Sophie

S03-E22 Chapter 22 Just Once With Aunt Sophie

Arguments for the Quickie

S03-E23 Chapter 23 Arguments for the Quickie

That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

S03-E24 Chapter 24 That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

Working for Caligula

S04-E01 Chapter 1 Working for Caligula

Who's Vod Kanockers?

S04-E02 Chapter 2 Who's Vod Kanockers?

The Sea is a Harsh Mistress

S04-E03 Chapter 3 The Sea is a Harsh Mistress

A Pot Smoking Monkey

S04-E04 Chapter 4 A Pot Smoking Monkey

A Live Woman of Proven Fertility

S04-E05 Chapter 5 A Live Woman of Proven Fertility

Apologies for the Frivolity

S04-E06 Chapter 6 Apologies for the Frivolity

Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head

S04-E07 Chapter 7 Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head

Release the Dogs

S04-E08 Chapter 8 Release the Dogs

Corey's Been Dead For an Hour

S04-E09 Chapter 9 Corey's Been Dead For an Hour

Kissing Abraham Lincoln

S04-E10 Chapter 10 Kissing Abraham Lincoln

Walnuts and Demerol

S04-E11 Chapter 11 Walnuts and Demerol

Castrating Sheep in Montana

S04-E12 Chapter 12 Castrating Sheep in Montana

Don't Worry, Speed Racer

S04-E13 Chapter 13 Don't Worry, Speed Racer

That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami

S04-E14 Chapter 14 That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami

My Damn Stalker

S04-E15 Chapter 15 My Damn Stalker

Young People Have Phlegm Too

S04-E16 Chapter 16 Young People Have Phlegm Too

I Merely Slept With a Commie

S04-E17 Chapter 17 I Merely Slept With a Commie

It Never Rains in Hooterville

S04-E18 Chapter 18 It Never Rains in Hooterville

Smooth as a Ken Doll

S04-E19 Chapter 19 Smooth as a Ken Doll

Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

S04-E20 Chapter 20 Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous

S04-E21 Chapter 21 Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous

Mr. McGlue's Feedbag

S04-E22 Chapter 22 Mr. McGlue's Feedbag

Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin

S04-E23 Chapter 23 Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin

Prostitutes and Gelato

S04-E24 Chapter 24 Prostitutes and Gelato

Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

S05-E01 Chapter 1 Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

Media Room Slash Dungeon

S05-E02 Chapter 2 Media Room Slash Dungeon

Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo

S05-E03 Chapter 3 Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo

City of Great Racks

S05-E04 Chapter 4 City of Great Racks

Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

S05-E05 Chapter 5 Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

Help Daddy Find His Toenail

S05-E06 Chapter 6 Help Daddy Find His Toenail

The Leather Gear is in the Guest Room

S05-E07 Chapter 7 The Leather Gear is in the Guest Room

Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

S05-E08 Chapter 8 Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

Shoes, Hats, Pickle, Jar Lids.

S05-E09 Chapter 9 Shoes, Hats, Pickle, Jar Lids.

Kinda Like Necrophilia

S05-E10 Chapter 10 Kinda Like Necrophilia

Meander to Your Dander

S05-E11 Chapter 11 Meander to Your Dander

A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

S05-E12 Chapter 12 A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

The Soil is Moist

S05-E13 Chapter 13 The Soil is Moist

Winky-Dink Time

S05-E14 Chapter 14 Winky-Dink Time

Rough Night in Hump Junction

S05-E15 Chapter 15 Rough Night in Hump Junction

Look At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

S05-E16 Chapter 16 Look At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

Fish in a Drawer

S05-E17 Chapter 17 Fish in a Drawer

If My Hole Could Talk

S05-E18 Chapter 18 If My Hole Could Talk

Waiting for the Right Snapper

S05-E19 Chapter 19 Waiting for the Right Snapper

Taterhead is Our Love Child

S06-E01 Chapter 1 Taterhead is Our Love Child

Pie Hole, Herb

S06-E02 Chapter 2 Pie Hole, Herb

Damn You, Eggs Benedict

S06-E03 Chapter 3 Damn You, Eggs Benedict

The Flavin' and the Mavin'

S06-E04 Chapter 4 The Flavin' and the Mavin'

A Jock Strap in Hell

S06-E05 Chapter 5 A Jock Strap in Hell

It's Always Nazi Week

S06-E06 Chapter 6 It's Always Nazi Week

Best H.O. Money Can Buy

S06-E07 Chapter 7 Best H.O. Money Can Buy

Pinocchio's Mouth

S06-E08 Chapter 8 Pinocchio's Mouth

The Mooch At The Boo

S06-E09 Chapter 9 The Mooch At The Boo

He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited

S06-E10 Chapter 10 He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited

The Devil's Lube

S06-E11 Chapter 11 The Devil's Lube

Thank God for Scoliosis

S06-E12 Chapter 12 Thank God for Scoliosis

I Think You Offended Don

S06-E13 Chapter 13 I Think You Offended Don

David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie

S06-E14 Chapter 14 David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie

I'd Like to Start With the Cat

S06-E15 Chapter 15 I'd Like to Start With the Cat

She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime

S06-E16 Chapter 16 She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime

The 'Ocu' Or The 'Pado'?

S06-E17 Chapter 17 The 'Ocu' Or The 'Pado'?

My Son's Enormous Head

S06-E18 Chapter 18 My Son's Enormous Head

The Two Finger Rule

S06-E19 Chapter 19 The Two Finger Rule

Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau

S06-E20 Chapter 20 Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau

Above Exalted Cyclops

S06-E21 Chapter 21 Above Exalted Cyclops

Sir Lancelot's Litter Box

S06-E22 Chapter 22 Sir Lancelot's Litter Box

Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth

S06-E23 Chapter 23 Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth

Baseball with Better Steroids

S06-E24 Chapter 24 Baseball with Better Steroids

818-jklpuzo

S07-E01 Chapter 1 818-jklpuzo

Whipped Unto the Third Generation

S07-E02 Chapter 2 Whipped Unto the Third Generation

Mmm, Fish. Yum.

S07-E03 Chapter 3 Mmm, Fish. Yum.

Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator

S07-E04 Chapter 4 Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator

For the Sake of the Child

S07-E05 Chapter 5 For the Sake of the Child

Give Me Your Thumb

S07-E06 Chapter 6 Give Me Your Thumb

Untainted by Filth

S07-E07 Chapter 7 Untainted by Filth

Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.

S07-E08 Chapter 8 Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.

Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair

S07-E09 Chapter 9 Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair

That's Why They Call It Ball Room

S07-E10 Chapter 10 That's Why They Call It Ball Room

Warning, It's Dirty

S07-E11 Chapter 11 Warning, It's Dirty

Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste

S07-E12 Chapter 12 Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste

Yay, No Polyps!

S07-E13 Chapter 13 Yay, No Polyps!

Crude and Uncalled For (1)

S07-E14 Chapter 14 Crude and Uncalled For (1)

Aye, Aye, Captain Douche (2)

S07-E15 Chapter 15 Aye, Aye, Captain Douche (2)

Tinkle Like a Princess

S07-E16 Chapter 16 Tinkle Like a Princess

I Found Your Moustache

S07-E17 Chapter 17 I Found Your Moustache

Ixnay on the Oggie Day

S07-E18 Chapter 18 Ixnay on the Oggie Day

Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave

S07-E19 Chapter 19 Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave

I Called Him Magoo

S07-E20 Chapter 20 I Called Him Magoo

Gumby with a Pokey

S07-E21 Chapter 21 Gumby with a Pokey

This is Not Gonna End Well

S07-E22 Chapter 22 This is Not Gonna End Well

Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

S08-E01 Chapter 1 Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer

S08-E02 Chapter 2 A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer

A Pudding-Filled Cactus

S08-E03 Chapter 3 A Pudding-Filled Cactus

Hookers, Hookers, Hookers

S08-E04 Chapter 4 Hookers, Hookers, Hookers

The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel

S08-E05 Chapter 5 The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel

Twanging Your Magic Clanger

S08-E06 Chapter 6 Twanging Your Magic Clanger

The Crazy Bitch Gazette

S08-E07 Chapter 7 The Crazy Bitch Gazette

Springtime on a Stick

S08-E08 Chapter 8 Springtime on a Stick

A Good Time In Central Africa

S08-E09 Chapter 9 A Good Time In Central Africa

Ow, Ow, Don't Stop

S08-E10 Chapter 10 Ow, Ow, Don't Stop

Dead From the Waist Down

S08-E11 Chapter 11 Dead From the Waist Down

Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead

S08-E12 Chapter 12 Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead

Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup

S08-E13 Chapter 13 Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup

Lookin' for Japanese Subs

S08-E14 Chapter 14 Lookin' for Japanese Subs

Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak

S08-E15 Chapter 15 Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak

That Darn Priest

S08-E16 Chapter 16 That Darn Priest

Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt

S09-E01 Chapter 1 Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt

People Who Love Peepholes

S09-E02 Chapter 2 People Who Love Peepholes

Big Girls Don't Throw Food

S09-E03 Chapter 3 Big Girls Don't Throw Food

Nine Magic Fingers

S09-E04 Chapter 4 Nine Magic Fingers

A Giant Cat Holding a Churro

S09-E05 Chapter 5 A Giant Cat Holding a Churro

The Squat and The Hover

S09-E06 Chapter 6 The Squat and The Hover

Those Fancy Japanese Toilets

S09-E07 Chapter 7 Those Fancy Japanese Toilets

Thank You For The Intercourse

S09-E08 Chapter 8 Thank You For The Intercourse

Frodo's Headshots

S09-E09 Chapter 9 Frodo's Headshots

A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes

S09-E10 Chapter 10 A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes

What a Lovely Landing Strip

S09-E11 Chapter 11 What a Lovely Landing Strip

One False Move, Zimbabwe!

S09-E12 Chapter 12 One False Move, Zimbabwe!

Slowly and in a Circular Fashion

S09-E13 Chapter 13 Slowly and in a Circular Fashion

A Possum on Chemo

S09-E14 Chapter 14 A Possum on Chemo

The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack

S09-E15 Chapter 15 The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack

Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

S09-E16 Chapter 16 Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

Not In My Mouth

S09-E17 Chapter 17 Not In My Mouth

The War Against Gingivitis

S09-E18 Chapter 18 The War Against Gingivitis

Palmdale, Ech

S09-E19 Chapter 19 Palmdale, Ech

Grandma's Pie

S09-E20 Chapter 20 Grandma's Pie

Mr. Hose Says Yes

S09-E21 Chapter 21 Mr. Hose Says Yes

Why We Gave Up Women

S09-E22 Chapter 22 Why We Gave Up Women

The Straw In My Donut Hole

S09-E23 Chapter 23 The Straw In My Donut Hole

Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!

S09-E24 Chapter 24 Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!

I Changed My Mind About the Milk

S10-E01 Chapter 1 I Changed My Mind About the Milk

A Big Bag of Dog

S10-E02 Chapter 2 A Big Bag of Dog

Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt

S10-E03 Chapter 3 Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt

You Do Know What The Lollipop Is For

S10-E04 Chapter 4 You Do Know What The Lollipop Is For

That's Not What They Call It In Amsterdam

S10-E05 Chapter 5 That's Not What They Call It In Amsterdam

Ferrets, Attack!

S10-E06 Chapter 6 Ferrets, Attack!

Avoid the Chinese Mustard

S10-E07 Chapter 7 Avoid the Chinese Mustard

Something My Gynecologist Said

S10-E08 Chapter 8 Something My Gynecologist Said

I Scream When I Pee

S10-E09 Chapter 9 I Scream When I Pee

One Nut Johnson

S10-E10 Chapter 10 One Nut Johnson

Give Santa a Tail-Hole

S10-E11 Chapter 11 Give Santa a Tail-Hole

Welcome to Alancrest

S10-E12 Chapter 12 Welcome to Alancrest

Grab A Feather And Get In Line

S10-E13 Chapter 13 Grab A Feather And Get In Line

Run Steven Staven!  Run!

S10-E14 Chapter 14 Run Steven Staven! Run!

Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It

S10-E15 Chapter 15 Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It

Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby

S10-E16 Chapter 16 Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby

Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries

S10-E17 Chapter 17 Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries

The 9:04 From Pemberton

S10-E18 Chapter 18 The 9:04 From Pemberton

Big Episode:  Someone Stole a Spoon

S10-E19 Chapter 19 Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon

Bazinga! That's From a TV Show

S10-E20 Chapter 20 Bazinga! That's From a TV Show

Another Night With Neil Diamond

S10-E21 Chapter 21 Another Night With Neil Diamond

My Bodacious Vidalia

S10-E22 Chapter 22 My Bodacious Vidalia

Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped

S10-E23 Chapter 23 Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped

Nangnangnangnang

S11-E01 Chapter 1 Nangnangnangnang

I Think I Banged Lucille Ball

S11-E02 Chapter 2 I Think I Banged Lucille Ball

This Unblessed Biscuit

S11-E03 Chapter 3 This Unblessed Biscuit

Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank

S11-E04 Chapter 4 Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank

Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003

S11-E05 Chapter 5 Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003

Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants

S11-E06 Chapter 6 Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants

Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie

S11-E07 Chapter 7 Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie

Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.

S11-E08 Chapter 8 Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.

Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer

S11-E09 Chapter 9 Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer

On vodka, on soda, on blender, on Mixer!

S11-E10 Chapter 10 On vodka, on soda, on blender, on Mixer!

Tazed In The Lady Nuts

S11-E11 Chapter 11 Tazed In The Lady Nuts

Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.

S11-E12 Chapter 12 Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.

Bite Me, Supreme Court

S11-E13 Chapter 13 Bite Me, Supreme Court

Three Fingers of Creme de Menthe

S11-E14 Chapter 14 Three Fingers of Creme de Menthe

Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin

S11-E15 Chapter 15 Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin

How to Get Rid of Alan Harper

S11-E16 Chapter 16 How to Get Rid of Alan Harper

Welcome Home, Jake

S11-E17 Chapter 17 Welcome Home, Jake

West Side Story

S11-E18 Chapter 18 West Side Story

Daddy's Got a Healthy Flavor Stick

S11-E19 Chapter 19 Daddy's Got a Healthy Flavor Stick

Lotta Delis in Little Armenia

S11-E20 Chapter 20 Lotta Delis in Little Armenia

Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot

S11-E21 Chapter 21 Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot

Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead

S11-E22 Chapter 22 Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead